There are times when this big, boisterous world is just too great to absorb.
My mind can’t expand across the oceans and peaks, nor bridge gaps between cultures and hearts. There are too many strange and confronting things to voice in one breath; too many miraculous places for a single dream; and too many harsh realities to ignore.
Sometimes, often when weary, I seek the shelter of silence. I crave calm, soft places where creature comforts live in cosy cocoons. But, being young and hopeful, I’ve always looked upon such retreat as an essential hiatus before soaring forward into grander things.
To match my 2012 lessons in freedom and courage, it seems 2013 is sending me challenges of patience, testing my will and mocking my ability to find balance.
Since returning from my whirl-wind nine month adventure in Europe, I’ve experienced a journey of peaks and troughs. I’ve felt an overwhelming gratitude for the opportunities I enjoyed in 2012 and the lessons that enriched me along the way. I’ve been elated in the returned company of loved ones, and appreciative for my homeland, my sentimental objects and effortless Australian customs. I’ve ached for the excitement of the road, with its ever-changing horizon and serendipitous path, and I’ve felt trapped by domestic necessities.
Perhaps most significantly though, I’ve been frustrated with illness that has bound my body, and along with it, my spirit, making me feel a million miles away from untamed explorations and energetic pursuits. I am not nearly dying. I am not nearly bed-bound. But I am wracked with the frustration that comes from months of deep weariness, constant illness and vague solutions. I am not accustomed to being held back by my own physical form; to being told by my own body to slow down, sleep, participate less.
While travelling I stumbled across many a mindful moment, when conscious clarity seemed a natural state and freedom of heart felt like status quo. But sadly, these moments shift and flicker with the pressure of reality; they waiver and fade into states of uncertainty, as the world appears less accommodating than that of days passed.
I find balance to be an ever-elusive ideal, a shape-shifter lingering in the corners of my minds-eye. I find home to be a comfort and a cage, depending on my state of mind. I feel the future is full of possibilities, so many possibilities that at times I am overwhelmed if I let myself be so.
For now I must just let go, enjoy the comforts of home… and then perhaps take a flight to Melbourne for a weekend of travel delights.
Nic Freeman 
Glad that you’re back Nic!
Thanks Lela! Thanks for waiting for me.
Always!
Here I am quietly drinking a cup of tea and listening to you when I should be folding the washing. Yes a comfort and a cage. Love your work xo
Always glad to distract you from washing Patti. x
I think words about home is one of the most beautiful and evocative pieces of writing I have ever read reminds me of ‘ no man is an island’ by John Donne.
Thanks so much Jodie. That means a lot! Nic
Beautiful words from a stunning and gracious heart and soul.
Thank you Barb!
You have such a beautiful way with words Nic…sorry to hear that you are not feeling 100%, hope that will soon pass!
Thank you Anita. I am all hope that 100% is not too far away 🙂
as always your sunshine brightens my day. love you Nic
I truly love your writing, such a beautiful way with words. It takes me away to where ever I need to be at that point in time. Your writing inspires me to write more and hopefully improve my writing. Thankyou.
Thanks again Shane. Happy to know my writing can create little wanderlust bubbles and inspiration.
When I first started blogging back in 2010 it was much harder to find my voice, express my delight in the world. I love learning and practicing this, fueled by my passion for armchair escapes and sharing the wonder.
Thanks for reading.
You write so beautifully and yr photographs are striking. Do take care of yr health and get well soon !
Wow! You’re an amazing writer!
I feel ya man, it’s hard to slow down. (http://alteredlines.wordpress.com/2013/06/12/slow-down/)
But there’s time in our lives were it’s totally what we need. Even if we don’t see it at the time. Go with it… Rest rejuvenate, become healthy! You’ll pull through and that dark tunnel you’ve been traveling will gradually become lighter as you progress.
Anyway glad to have stumbled across your work! I like!
Dig Deeper!
-B
Nic,
I could not agree with you more with this post. I really enjoyed the line: “I find balance to be an ever-elusive ideal, a shape-shifter lingering in the corners of my minds-eye. I find home to be a comfort and a cage, depending on my state of mind.” So true!!! Whenever you’re at home you just want to escape on an adventure and sometime when you’re on that adventure you daydream about home. It’s a funny thing. The important thing is to try to be content with where you are in the moment, even if it’s just a simple day at home.
-Kaitlyn 🙂
Thanks Kaitlyn. I think that is one of my most honest lines as well. I’ve temporarily made peace with this being the way it is…I’ve resigned myself to the roll of emotions that comes with always wanting to explore and yet never be too far from loved ones. Thanks for reading and commenting! Nic
Reblogged this on nikiforivanov.
I absolutely agree with your thoughts about “home”.
For me I need a fixed point called home to help me appreciate the excitement of travelling, the open road and exploration. If I didn’t have a place to grow restless in, I don’t think I’d feel the benefits of going to new locations nearly as much.
Hope the illness is clearing up by now!
That’s a great way of putting it Claire. I suppose I feel that too. Thanks for commenting – and yes thanks, I’m slowly returning to health. Nic
As a fellow traveller who currently has not seen home in many months I greatly appreciate the honesty with which this post was written! Sometimes the experience can take hold of you and its easy to lose sight of its immeasurable value. We’ve all been there- persevere! You’ll never regret it!